"Sister"

My kids are playing groceries/serving right now and Sean just said, "I be right back, sister." 

My heart just kind of skipped a beat or two. To hear Sean call Kegan his "sister" is beautiful and comforting. Sean is clearly adapting to these new pronouns and labels. He has said "she" and "her" a few times over the past few days when referring to Kegan, but is certainly on a learning curve of remembering to use these new words in reference to the person known as his "brother" until recently. 

It makes me sad that Sean will never remember having a big brother. Sean will remember for now that Kegan is "changing" from a boy to a girl, but once Kegan has long hair or at least a more feminine hairstyle, once Kegan always wears typical girl clothes, once everyone starts using the proper pronouns for her...Sean will lose the memories of being "brothers" and "the boys."  Sean is not even three...I very much doubt he will even remember anything from this year. 

His lack of memory is bittersweet to me. Sean has expressed on more than one occasion, "I just want Kegan to dress like me." This tells me he struggles with losing a brother who will wear a matching outfit, who will proclaim loudly their same gender. I am glad if he won't remember any sorrow from this year. At the same time, I am sad he won't remember the special "boy bond" they had. 

There has never been anything very "boy" ruled about their existence. They play with dolls as much as they play with trains and trucks. They come in covered in mud, as often as they sit quietly reading books to each other. I have never considered any of those activities to be very boy or very girl centric...they are just kid activities. Things all kids should be allowed to do freely regardless of their gender.  And maybe their activities aren't what defined them as "the brothers" or "the boys," in fact, I know that isn't. Those two labels were bestowed simply because of their genitalia and used because of their clothing choices, their short haircuts, their lack of feminine attributes. So really, the label doesn't matter, but it is still a little sad to lose it. "The brother and sister" just doesn't have the same affection as their former labels.