Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Her Light Glows Brighter

There is a lovely, lovely woman who I have known for about five months. Her daughter and Kegan are in a class together. Kegan has been wearing girl clothes to this class for about a month. The only comments she has received have been oohs and aahs over the cute styles. One of the little girls in the class tells her mom every other week, "I want a shirt like Kegan's" or "Did you see Kegan's shoes, I want shoes like that!" 

Last week, I told this woman that Kegan is transgender and identifies as a girl. She was immediately accepting and kind. She said many things, all of them quite perfect. I wish I could remember all the gems of wisdom she shared, but I do remember how my heart felt comforted that she was accepting and her daughter would be allowed to continue to be friends with Kegan.

I sent a hasty email to the moms I am friends with in this class last night, along with our amazing teacher to let them know about Kegan's new name. The responses I received from each were beyond my expectations and hopes. 

Our teacher said, "Great for Kegan! I am stoked that she knows who she is and is not afraid of her beautiful self." The one mom wrote to say that her daughter was so worried she would use the wrong name by mistake and to please tell Kegan she is so sorry if she does. Another mom said, "Kids are so much less rigid than adults, my son will be completely fine with this." Deep breath: check. Tears on cheeks: check. Sense of peace: check.

Today we arrived a few minutes late for class, when we arrived the teacher shouted Kegan's new name and followed it with, "Yay! You made it!" The lovely woman, who I will call, Hope, greeted Kegan and Sean with her usual enthusiasm. I sat next to her and she looked at me, she looked at Kegan participating in class, and she said, "Kegan seems much happier now as a girl, she seems lighter." 

I immediately felt such a sense of comfort and said, "Do you really think so? Because I do too! She is much kinder to Sean now and just seems happier to me too!" I didn't know if I was reading into something that wasn't there or looking for confirmation that we made the right choice to embrace Kegan on this journey. My husband has agreed with me that she seems happier and is kinder to Sean, but it seemed easy to believe we were both seeing what we wanted to see. But this woman, completely without any prompting said this and I feel it is so true.

Kegan IS happier. Did she know she was uncomfortable? Did she always feel not quite right? I never thought of Kegan as an unhappy boy, but Hope said it well when she said, "He was intense, she is lighter." 

So to anyone who says this is the wrong parenting move to let our child be who she says she is, who she knows she is, I say, "But she is happier now. And that is all that matters." 


1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad to hear she's doing well and being accepted in your community. Our kids need us to listen to them and accept them for who they are. When it comes to raising them, they're the ones who matter... no one else. Although that's a lot easier said than done some days.


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