Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Memo to the Doubters:

1. Yes, it is completely plausible and possible that my child understands her gender identity better than you. Trust us when we tell you this is who she is. Trust us when we tell you she has persistently and consistently insisted she is a girl. Trust us, when we tell you there is evidence based research demonstrating that kids as young as two to five years old can know their true gender identity. Trust us that we would not lightly have our child buck all social norms and put herself at risk for bullying and worse just to be "cool" parents.

2. If you know transgender adults, why is it hard for you to understand my kid is transgender? Did you ever actually speak with these trans* adults? Because I am guessing many of them knew from the time they were Kegan's age or younger that their outsides didn't match their insides.

3. When you say nothing to us, when you offer no support, for months, we assume you don't accept Kegan. We assume you are so uncomfortable with her or us that you are choosing to ignore the situation and therefore no longer desire to be in our lives. Saying nothing, says a lot. When you say, "I didn't know what to say," I consider that a cop-out. You say, "Thank you for telling us. We love Kegan for who she is not what her genitals are, not for the clothes she wears. We love her." It is that easy and that simple.

4.  When you say you need time to accept this because you are Catholic or Conservative or have never known a trans* person, know we will give you time, but I can't hold your hand while you work through your issues. And speaking of your issues, how is my child's gender your issue anyway? How does what my daughter wears or what length of hair she has or what name she goes by affect you? I have never realized until recently how skilled people can be at taking something completely not about themselves and making it about themselves.

5.  When you say you will still be our friends, but you can't call Kegan by her correct name, you are not our friends.

6. Yes, I am angry tonight. Tomorrow I will think of  bright, cheery, sunny sentences to write, but tonight, I just needed to say all that!


  1. Thank you Secretly Fabulous! It was a tough evening! I appreciate the virtual hugs!

  2. Speaking as a Catholic (one who just found your blog at RaisingMyRainbow), there are few things that get me more immediately upset than people using Catholicism/Christianity as an excuse to hate/mistrust others. Jesus went out of his way to seek out and offer welcome to the people marginalised by society and Pope Francis has told us to do the same. There is no valid excuse within Catholicism for ostracising a child based around her trans* status, and reams and reams of teachings demanding that we run to her and embrace her and show her just how much love God has for her.

    Ooooh, it makes me mad.


The more we educate and have open dialogue, the safer our world becomes. Please share your thoughts, be honest, be brave, be kind. I can't wait to hear what you think!