Are We Enough?

I keep telling myself Kegan has a safe home environment, an environment that never questions who he/she is and that is enough to protect Kegan. Even though the world and even extended family members may be against Kegan for being Kegan, home is safe and that can be life saving.

No matter what challenges and obstacles Kegan faces in the world, he/she will always have a safe home to come back to. But what if that isn't enough? I just read that transgender people have an even higher murder rate than gay and lesbian people. What if my child, one day, can't make it home in time?

My gosh, our world is harsh and I fear so much for my baby. I worry about the neighbors seeing this often covered in mud and barefoot kid walking out in a sundress this spring. Literally, the other day, Kegan wanted to get the mail and it was a rare nice day aka the neighbor kids might be outside. I was panicked about my child being spotted and laughed it.

We have told our family and many friends about Kegan being bigender. But I still need to tell our quite working-class, hunter neighbors. Soon, like last week, before any more "sunny and warm in the 50's" days happen.

She Passed

My kid passed tonight. From what I understand this is one of the biggest challenges faced by transgender people. And tonight, at five years old, in a pink twirly shirt and brown leggings with striped ruffles at the ankles he/she passed.

We had met an African American man in the kids section of a department store who told my youngest his new rain boots were "fly" earlier. This gentleman, in his forties, and the father of five (two grown, three at home) raved about the red rubber boots, giving my baby some of the attention usually lavished on my oldest.

Later when my husband had taken my oldest to the bathroom, the little one and I were wandering around. We heard someone coming and as we turned to greet our returning family members, I saw it was not them, but the same friendly man from the kids department. He saw us and realized who we were waiting for, he said, "They're coming! Daddy and your sister are coming!" He high fived my fly little one while I stood there in awe and excitement that this milestone had occurred.

I suppose this isn't the first time, people see what they expect to see. Someone sees a cute kid in pink clothes and black Mary Janes and generally assumes it is a girl. Despite the messy, awkward growing out haircut. This is the first time though, that it has been verbalized.

The irony, (Is it irony? Alannis has forever confused me!) is as they headed into the bathroom, I overheard Kegan say, "We will go in the men's room, because we are both men." What I didn't hear because it was said as the door closed behind them was Kegan saying, "But....I am probably a girl."